I was very lucky to receive a recommendation for an excellent psychologist. Someone who
listened to me and had faith in me.
That last point is really important. I did not see any hope for my future. I was
terrified. But the psychologist knew that I would be healed. In fact, he did not seem to
think it was that difficult to resolve.
And he was right! After about four sessions of psychotherapy I started to notice how I
harmed myself by putting down everything in my life.
The psychologist assigned me some "homework". My task was to list all the
things I do to put myself down.
I will not to reproduce this list but it contained things like:
I try to do everything perfectly. Anything less than perfect cannot be tolerated.
When my project leader praised me for completing an urgent task, I tell her it should
have been completed sooner.
When someone praises my piano playing, I tell them that I have no sense of rhythm.
When someone recognises my University qualification, I complain about the length of time
I took to complete the course.
In other words I will "correct" anything good or positive that someone says
to me. More crazy making behaviour.
I never knew I was doing this until the psychologist pointed it out to me. The list I
made contained over 30 items. If there was an Olympic event for putting self down, I might
have won a medal.
But this is not funny. This behaviour was crippling my self esteem. I knew I had to
stop putting myself down. I made this decision the same night I made that list.
The Turning Point
I cannot begin to explain the effect that this tiny change has had on my life. In one
instant, I cut out all the insults I delivered to myself and accepted all the compliments
that people offered me.
I felt wonderful!
This was the most significant turn I made in my life's journey.
I began to discover it was OK to be me.
I became really interested in self esteem and personal growth. I began to view my life
in a completely different way.
I was free to plan and enjoy activities which I really love doing, including the ones I
stopped doing when I was preoccupied with relationships.
My life changed from darkness to light. I happened because I started to let the light
in.
Everything from here just got better ...
The Therapy of Skiing
I went on my first ski trip about one week before the turning point experience I just
described. My brother wanted me to do something that might make me happy.
Skiing challenges me to face my fears. It also allows me to experience, fury,
frustration, jubilation and satisfaction in a matter of moments. In this respect, it is
similar to group therapy.
In a group lesson, I feel supported and encouraged by my colleagues. In turn, I
do whatever I can to support them. I learnt very early that I must be willing to ask
for and accept help. Getting help is something I have not had a lot of experience in
doing
Skiing promotes self-awareness. I have
to understand how my body is behaving in order to improve my technique.
Every mountain is a new challenge; no matter how many times I have visited there. The
conditions change every time.
I recall one of my ski instructors advising me to let the suspension in my body take
all the bumps and shocks I encounter. This seems also to be a very apt way to
approach life. My Feldenkrais teacher was also impressed with this analogy.
I ski better when I let go of my self-consciousness. This is one skill where I have
learnt much from observing children. Children learn to ski sooner than adults because they
are not afraid of how they appear before other people. For them, learning is an experience
in discovery.
Graduate Diploma in Individual Psychotherapy and Relationship Therapy
The
purpose of my studies is to acquire skills to further raise my self esteem and to deal
with the "unfinished business" in my life.
The assignment work in this course required that I delve deeply into the unresolved
experiences from my past. This process can bring up some painful memories.
I found that I have learnt a lot about myself; particularly about my resilience and my
inner strength.
A Pearl of Wisdom: Click to View or Add Text.
This page was last updated Sunday, 07 January 2001
Skiing promotes self-awareness. I have
to understand how my body is behaving in order to improve my technique. 
The
purpose of my studies is to acquire skills to further raise my self esteem and to deal
with the "unfinished business" in my life. 
