I hate that expression.  I find that it is used mainly by people who do not have a life and wish to project their own problem onto someone else.  I would never tell someone to "get a life" because I think it is disrespectful.

This is how I managed my recovery and got a life ...

Building self-esteem

When I learnt how I lost my self-esteem I felt relieved to know that many people have had experiences similar to mine. Therefore self-disclosure was not as risky as I previously thought.

My self-esteem lifted when I found acceptance in my disclosure about my social phobia. I was encouraged to accept myself.

Now I am in the ironic position of assisting others who experience the same problem. Being able to help someone else overcome this problem is also raising my self-esteem.

I developed an awareness of my uniqueness and myself. This led me to become self-accepting. I also decided to accept positive strokes from others and to have a positive outlook on life.

Self-validation vs. external validation

I only learnt about external validation after my self-esteem had lifted sufficiently to make my shyness manageable. I noticed that as I became more self-validating I had less need for external validation.

I learnt to eliminate or modify behaviour, which lowered my self-esteem, and to develop assertive communication skills.

Choosing my response

I accepted that I have choices about the way I view my circumstance and myself. Although I cannot always influence the circumstance, I am responsible for my own reaction to it.

Nurturing myself

I sought opportunities for self-education, took better care of my appearance and nurtured myself with frequent rest breaks. I stopped pushing myself to be perfect.

Discovering Myself

Socialising

Consequently my socialising skills improved. I found friends who accepted me as I am. I initiated social events instead of waiting to be invited to do something.

Exploring new interests

Being authentic, personally responsible and having initiative has led me to pursue new interests and experiences.

Developing a positive outlook

I changed my view of past experiences. Instead of regretting mistakes I used them as opportunities to learn. I also took more notice of the things I took for granted.

Communicating Assertively

I have given myself permission to be authentic in my dealings with other people. Instead of worrying about other people’s reactions and fearing humiliation, I make direct and straightforward statements about what I think is happening.

Developing new skills

I improved my communication skills by

• learning to listen
• becoming better at making requests
• accepting I have equal right to express myself.

I also increased my self-awareness by speaking for self (using the word "I" instead of "you" when talking about myself).

Getting to know my inner bitch

Most people appreciate what I have to say. Occasionally someone does not like what I say. I do not worry about their reaction any more. I accept that their perception of reality is different from mine. Accepting the different perceptions of other family members is still difficult for me.

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This page was last updated Saturday, 06 January 2001